Stephenie Meyer

Now i am aware i have already given Twilight a bad review, but i feel that this is necissary in order to get the point across to Ms. Meyer that her books/the films that are based on her books are completely wrong and crap.

Having just seen the trailer for New Moon, the follow up to the horrible Twilight movie, i am out raged that Meyer has again Warped the myth of werewolves (one of the single coolest mythical creatures ever) as well as vampires. She has warped the myth horribly by saying that the change is volentary. Well ms. Meyer, let me tell you something,
Its painful.
Its involenatary.
And it isnt just "I'm over here, I've jumped, now I'm a wolf".
Also the wolves look like proper wolves. They're supposed to be ugly half man half beast monstrosities that have no sence at all and will rip even their best friend appart.

Some of you may say "But its not the myth, its about the love story" to which i say "You do realise the story's crap" I'm sorry to tell you all but if you think dating a vampire and having sexy dreams about a werewolf is cool then there must be something wrong with you.


I am Back,
Jon

Formal Apology

Unfortunally some people have taken offence to a post I wrote about stage challenge containing false information. I have since deleted the article in question and am sorry to anyone the article offended.

Jon

Angels and Demons

The Book 10/10.
The Film 3/10.

This is just another reason Hollywood should keep itself to itself. The film adaptation of Dan Brown's masterpeice was a huge let down. With numerous minor differences and multiple major differences it was, quite bluntly, crap.
The main scapegoat (Maximilian Kohler) is omitted.
Cardinal Baggia is branded but does not drown.
The antimatter cannister has interchangeable batteries.
Robert Langdon never visits CERN.
The antimatter cannister does not have a 24hour timer, but a bar timer.
Langdon is not in the Papal helicopter with the Camerlengo.
The Illuminati Diamond is replaced by two crossed keys.
The Hassassin never kidnaps Vittoria.
Langdon and the Hassassin never have an underwater duel.

And those are just some of the differences that cause the film to get such a low score.

Jon

What was all the fuss about?

I watched Twilight last night and overall (crap vampire myth following aside) it was OK. But I have no idea what everyone was bitching about its wasn't even that good a film.

Now to dive into the crap vampire myth following...where do I start...

#1 They don't drink human blood they 'restrain' themselves

#2 They NEVER sleep, even in coffins

#3 They dont die in direct sunlight, their skin just shines like diamonds

#4 They can cross running water (real vampires die)

#5 They can't fly

#6 They have both reflections and shadows

#7 They can't turn into animals

#8 They can be killed without a stake through the heart

#9 They don't have to lug the soil from where they died around

...and those are just nine of the reasons that twilight was Crap

Twilight: 1/10 Sub-average

Jon

Plot Holes In Star Wars

Have you ever noticed how in the whole of the last 3 star wars films (IV,V, VI), Darth Vader never turns to C3PO and goes "hey -chhehhoo- arn't you that I built -chhehhoo-" or R2-D2 and says "-chhehhoo- Didn't I used to own this droid -chhehhoo-?"
Or Darth Vader and Luke the second he sees luke hes all "-chhehhoo- Yeah thats my son -chhehhoo-" Because of the genetic link. However with Leia (whos his daughter) he never even noticed.

And one more thing...WHY THE HELL DID GREDO SHOOT FIRST!?!?!

Public Hoildays

The public holiday the ultimate balance between good and evil.
Good because its a day off, but then just to annoy you, they put in the bad aspects everything is either closed, or charging a 15% surcharge. I will admit there are a few honorable exeptions (God bless McDonalds) but otherwise theres nothing to do.
Another thing that pisses me off about Public holidays is that, even though you are paying an extra 15% for Burger King employees to come to work, the sevice becomes intolerable. A good 10 minutes of waiting to recieve 3 burgers that were sat on the warming trays, while 3 people in the drive thru got surved before me, it was ridiculous.

Weighed up the bad aspects clearly out weigh the good,
so im sorry public holidays but you: FAIL!!!

Jon

Films based on books

Films based on books. Good idea said someone in the past to a gut who was obviously a smart one. And at the time he was right, because books were shorter with less complicated storylines. Now Film/books are and awful idea. Take Harry Potter as a fine example of the downfall of Film/books. The first, second and thrid one were excellent. The stayed almost religiously to the story of the books. Then the forth one rolled up and that was o.k. a few bits missed out but none-the-less a good film. Then in came number five. The book of 'Order Of The Phoenix' was in my opinion the best of the seven. But the film frankly sucked donkey balls. They missed huge chunks of the book like the sub-storyline of Hagrids halfbrother Grawp, I will admit they didn't completely banish this bit from the film but basicly there was all of one bit that we saw Grawp. Another fine example of a shit Film/book was the Da Vinci Code. I was Hugely impressed with the film when i watched it, but now I have read the book, I feel the film was hugely lacking with a good 1/4 of the book omitted from the film.
Yet another crap Film/book was Eragon. The book again was brilliant, and is one of my personal favorites. However the film may as well have been two hours of a dog having intercourse with a squirel. Entire storylines were cut out, facts changed and things that were vital the the next book were overlooked.

Even though most Film/books suck arse there are a few honerables that were brilliant such as; Die Hard, The Grinch, Dracular, The Godfather, Hunt For Red October, The Green Mile and Lord Of The Rings.

The moral of the story is the best films availible are those which are original storylines or based on true stories.

Films based on books
Overall Score: 4/10

Jon